Describe 3 revelations God has spoken to me this week. Describe each revelation and Change I will make in my life because of it:
Love my dream. For sure this hit me from much of the lectures this week, but was solidified by a staff as well. I'm struggling with my knee being bummed and even-more so because I'm having to accept that I'm not probably going to be playing anytime soon. This is a 'season in my life.'
I'm obsessed over soccer and fitness for so long that i has consumed so much of my life. I have learned that the choice to have it, is free. But if I feel I can't give it up if I needed to, then it's not a choice. It is like a sin I can't give up. I am controlled by this passion or at least have been. Now I need ot make it clear to myself, it's not my will but His.
Am I willing to rest it all in His hands? Not working out. Being injured. God is good. So I feel in order to understand, I must kill my humanly dream in this humanly body that does not last forever, for Him who is everlasting.
The staff member said he was playing cricket at the national level here in SA. He was a sportsman and didn't want to give it up. He injured his knee. His identity was lost. But because it was in something that wasn't everylasting. Others viewed him as sportsman. He told me, he came to desire not to be known as a sportsman, but a man of God. This touched me so much! I NOW see and wan others to view me not as sports/soccer, but a woman of God. This result would be from a reflection within me.
This also then lead from another discussion and term that's been pounding in my head. Fear God, not man. The staff member reiterated this as something only he accepted and walked out 2 months ago. This is something I desire and know I struggle with now. I need to now care about anything or anyone else's views/ideas about me. If I fear man, I let man control/dictate and even overcome me.
To see someone who I lok up to say that even in being in YWAM for 5 years, he still has only fully felt released from that struggle now.
The last revelation I've acquired from N2N is "cost." This goes along with meaning what it takes to step out. I heard in class today a view on this I'd never thought of. God asked a man to give everything up. Sell all he possessed and to follow Him. The man didn't. But realize this: God doesn't go and ask taht of everyone. He may ask you to kill your dream. There are and will be many different walks with God. I just need ot know and realize that I need to be willing, whatever His call is. Just like Abraham going to sacrifice his son. That's a heart truly following God in faith. Who knows, He usually gives you gifts and passions for a purpose so if I'm willing to give them up for Him, more than likely He'll give them back in a healthy way.
Because of all these, I've already been recognizing my change of view on God and His vision for me. I want to 'see' His vision until I"m fully surrendered. I'm accepting and have accepted that soccer isn't me. It isn't my life. It's a tool. Just as anything God gives us don't abuse. So I'm working on making sure 'my' dream is 1st killed. I've been at peave with my injury. My knee for the 1st time hurting. I've been ok letting footy go. If God desires for me to have it, He'll give it back.
This all is in my growth. In my worship I've been accepting not feeling like I have to feel 'God to know He's there. Or to be loud in my worship just to be Holy. This process has given me however, a stronger desire to be closer to Him and my heart He's created.
My heart, to reiterate, after N2N was great not only to see another YWAM base (very different in itself) but others who have chosen to follow God and do this DTS by choice. It's inspiring. So many countries and languages altogether worshipping and fellowship!
I remember hearing the pastor Peter McCarthy's wife saying teh church has never even had people raise their hands in worship. There were people jumping and crowd surfing and yelling! Impromptu singing and performances especially showing God's love and talent among us.
As we prayed and walked around a world map, my view of teh world just 'hit' me. So much and such amazing nations. It was interesting for m though how my heart kept tracing back to my own country/state or Oregon. USA. Those people, just as much as the starving and deprived need God too. I walked and prayed over it so much. (Oh yeah the last night, there was a HUGE world map that spread over the entire church floor we danced and prayed over it). I even found a new pride and love for USA I've not felt before.
The time was wondefully spent. I even enjoyed the scenery and drive (crammed or not in the back seat). I drove up with Lena, Hanzel, the couple Dick and Rue so that was really cool to get to know all of them much better as well. What a beautiful country!
Look our Mossel Baai, could be dreams there later. Gotta get in contact and talks about my ideas I've received while there. Oh my mind never ends!
Thank you for your love again,
funny I hear fireworks outside my window tonight because I realized it's Guy Fawks Day here. Crazy people
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