Sorry I think I sounded depressed yesterday

I'm ok really. I think a huge factor is just this strange week with team being back and they're all preparing to leave and then a few staying and a few staying to help me and I am not organized yet to have them help me.
Plus, like Bre is going back to Portland and it's really made me miss home. I love you all and thank you extremely amount for your support and prayers and finances. I have to press on though for the task at hand. I haven't started something to not see it through. The energy and passion has just sunk a bit, but even though God feels far, he's right here. Elni told me he's not some giant away from us, he's like chilling, ALWAYS. Like sitting on the couch eating, having not showered, feeling tired, he's there too. He's our friend. He never changes and never leaves. Thank you father.
I just have to remember constantly that God can and will do anything. If we have faith, and if we ask because he wants us to tell him our needs, then he will supply. Big or small he wants us to ask. I want to change the world.
SO I do have to remember this is in His hands. I pray for the guidance of when to work and how to work and think productively.
I was seeing God's hand yesterday telling me and SHOWing me not to sit on a laptop 'trying' to get somewhere with things. Susan wanted me to come talk with her in Kalk Bay. I hung out with some of the dts. I forget to say that after the debrief we had 2 get baptized in the ocean the other day. OH so incredible! People have really come back from outreach changed for the better! They say I even look good, just a bit stressed that's all. BUT, they don't neglect to think about the challenge I've placed in hand to go after.
I still walk on the amazing beaches here and try to get myself in touch with God.
I've discovered while here, that I find him and hear him in ways that where I usually am mobile. Like there's this guy Rueban here from Spain, and he walks every morning and says through walking and seeing things like signs he finds messages from God. He's alone with God using the world to learn. I feel like that's more of me. However I can't get distracted tooo much but I come back from walks just with endless thoughts.
I've learned that I'm such a visionary! SUCH! I am sitting in these meetings with Geraldine Godfrey and Cristian and I HATE writing out all these details of positions and the structure, I just want to move and move forward and am ALWAYS thinking about what to do next or what else we need to do.
However the 'ideas' which I guess could be visions are all I see. I try and look at what I desire but I'm not certain 'how' to see them come through, I just see the end more than the process. That's something to really pray for I guess is the pieces to be there that's needed.
We're finally seeing and deciding to get our banking through an already organized local organization here that Geraldine is involved with called like Safe Community or something. So I'm leaving the details of 'donating' to her. Which helps, I just pray it happens and happens soon!
So yes back to yesterday, I did go walk to see Susan to hear her heart, and she didnt' speak too much but I think it was god putting me around people that he desired. I love people, but there's just something strange about actually making the effort. Like I have to prepare or something. I'm not sure. I love people but hate being like the public speaker, or the center. I see like this party at my house and I want to be the one mending everything together so that ALL are havin a great time. That's when I have a great time!
But yeah after that I came back to go to Cristian's to specifically watcha movie with my DTS and so I spent time with them. BUT for some reason I have to really prepare myself or make the effort adn when I'm done it's always wonderful. I mean if I'm an extrovert wouldn't I always desire to be around people to get my energy and thoughts? But it's not that easy I feel, at least not these days. I wonder mom if it was created in me by having the day care in my home for years and years of my life. All growing up and having like 15 kids around. Can do some great things to ya.
Well, woke up at 11am this morning feeling what's wrong with me? So taking this saturday to clean, lay out at the pool with some of the girls, and Daneeka is staying in Lydia's room while she's in Thailand. So Bre and her are cooking tonight and then our new roomate Becca is in Kimberley's room while she's been gone. Should be nice to hang out. God is a God of relationships. He's more concerned with us personally and individually and our relationship with him, with others. So, this project may be important, BUT, if I neglect relationships especially with Him, then I will fail. However, God loves me no matter what. We have to remember he has grace like we'll never understand. He loves us even when we feel we're bad, or we've sinned or we've let him down. He loves unconditionally. Thank you