Literally sitting on the floor of our dirty room, trying to hold in from crying because first of all, i#m typing on my german roomate's computer because for some reason mine won't even turn on. Don't even ask cause I feel like God's speaking to me and i'm deaf. Then I'm icing my stupid knee. I had planned not to go to the physio today, since she told me anyways I need to be using a stationary bike, and I haven't access to neighbors anymore because it's broken, so I was on mY way after cancelling my physio, and going to the train station to go to Fish Hoek to at least find a gym to pay to use the bike for a few weeks. The weather's been depressing like ORegon rain and wind. So after attempting to swim th eother day, yes with a wetsuit, my feet still froze! Think in the beginning stages of hypothermia.
Anyways here I am, walking to train station and my knee just hurts so bad I'm afraid I wont be able to step up onto th etrain. So I turn around and trying not to cry because I don't get it. Walking in the mornings not hurting but then sometimes I step wrong and I get the shooting pain and its all over from there. physio said i was doing well then after walking down these stairs over teh weekend, i reversed it again. frustrating! Now i have people saying i need an x ray so do i go see th edoctor? our speakers this week on evangelism love to pray for healing. this kid in the school of biblical studies class has been having some real problems with his foot. its been numb for 3 weeks and going up his leg. hes been talking about going home because it could be a number of bad things and in canada he can get the care he needs. well this couple from oklahoma prayed for him and he said he already feels its better, much better today! but he did say that through it, God was speaking to him about learning a powerful lesson on the supernatural vs the natural and to believe more on Him. God what are you saying to me?
I feel like im bombing here with the ideas and intentions i had with soccer and all this excitement with ambassadors in sport and maybe doing stuff with them and soccer with local outreach here already, and i cant even walk! i feel like ive told God that its ok if i dont play soccer, and i feel that, but this pain and frustration of my knee not getting better altogether is killing me.
On top of it all, i feel theres so many people to get in contact with about ideas ive had, wanna share, wanna learn from, people to reconnect with already, i dont have time to get into details, but also time to read Bible, pray, write on here, in my journal, plan and organize ways to fundraise, and plan this BBQ braai with george whitfield college etc. also now that were trying to get costs paid for our outreach now, im trying to get the cost right and prepare a letter and this small video a fellow classmate made to my friends family and church. ill be needing about 1500 american dollars, which is 10,000 rand. its the cheapest outreach. then i look at the others and were a team, so its hard not to care and wanna support and find ways to raise money for those whom God called to other nations.
its coming together. i know ive taken my health for granted and i shall be learning from this. God is always good. ask job and ask habakuk. so therefore so must i.
i also have so so many ideas and plans i dont wanna lose my inspiration and passions so its hard to find a balance of give this to god, write it down, start to analyze it or what. on top of all this, the most important, is me gaining this relationship with the Lord. i came here and i wanna strive to be screaming out from the inside out to know and love God and know and appreciate and WORSHIP His love. This way i know what it feels like i know what it means and to say, ive been there ive had HIm so close that when i stray i can get back to that base i knew i had. when is that time i get alone to do more of this? to pray and interceded and ask God for direction and what is on His heart for me, for my friends, family, Andie and more.
Im lecturing and getting whats on my heart and mind out. please keep me in your prayers so i can learn and find knowledge to grow and perhaps share as a message to others! Seek Him first! Dont look to the left or the right, right?
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