God, your humor is unique (teach me)

So I'm in this whirlwind of emotions at this very second. I've been praising and singing and asking God today for thanks for answering my prayers to funds, and who I am, the leader I'm not but with him I will. I have so much to pray for to know the Lord because I can't imagine life without him.
So I am suddenly in the mindset, espcially with the funds coming through so clearly, that I'm ready to accept and be a part of this team on outreach here in SA/Swaziland. So we had a team meeting yesterday at lunch, we have been planning much and getting pumped. Our early morning meeting was from Simon, our leader's wife and she is preparing us for our outreaches. So I've been accepting and starting to let my heart go about sending myself to these places to do evangelism in whatever form that is for my team.
Even after the WC 2010 meeting I went to on Wednesday, I took what I could from tha tmeeting to try and apply it to the tasks at hand I can do in the places we go on outreach. Yesterday I also met with Elaine my one on one, and it was great to get some good feedback from her. Her perspective since she is so passionate about HIV and aids and quite a free spirit herself, it was refreshing. Mom, she even wants to break from YWAM accounting here soon to do more, but wants to start up this ministry for accountants. To fill jobs like hers for short or long term missions because they are so needed! :)
Anyways, the advice that stuck out to me, was when she talked about how she broke her leg when she was doing all these things in I think Cambodia? I can't remember exactly where she was based at for years. But she broke her leg and asked God, why now? I have all this work to do for you and so much I can't now, and ya ya ya and she said, you know what he told me? He said Elaine I am and have already been working. Basically who are you to say I can't do this? He already has and is and will. She told me, Noel, do you know how Billy Graham got saved? He worked in a small book store and his boss saved him. Then look what he went on to do? That shook me too. So, it sorta told me, hey the people you are going to reach on this outreach to perhaps Steinkopf and in Swaziland, yes can change their lives and yours. But I still get that hard feeling of, what if I started something here for WC 2010 that isn't already happening? Perhaps my vision for this campaign? I was about to let it all go, because anxiety is an emotion that God says you shouldn't have. There is no reason, however I heard a few other messages today.
I was mopping the kitchen and dinning hall floors, (taking forever because not much help tonight) so wasn't really thrilled and plus I have been feeling a little sick today. ANYWAYS, point is, I see one of our staff Steve, and he asks something I can't remember what provoked it, but it's so hard for me to even bring up feelings around what I have right now because they have so much background to them and I'm wrestling. But I said something to the degree of accepting and being ok with what's going on for my outreach, but hard knowing the time schedule for when I return til the WC 2010.
He told me, this is what your outreach position is for. YWAM should equip you for what you have on your heart. You need to speak with your leader Paul about what's on your heart. WHat is your passion. He made a great analogy saying that if you are a sports player, and you're having terrible asthma, I don't tell you to get on the field and play. You can't even breath! It's not your position that fits. Now Steve is a man of wisdom and words, yet his time is short, he didn't even have time to look at my slight blog about this campaign idea or any others in my head, he just said, talk to your leaders. I replied that I'm just ok with whatever, as long as I know it's what God wants me to be doing.
He said that's what is so great about eldership, is they can pray with you together and help God speak to you. That was clear enough. I'd thought this before, but feared wtih Paul being so stressed and busy getting people's money together, he'd look at me like not now. But it's true, if I'm in this place doing that for outreach, and he wants to know what's really on my heart and it's not connecting, then I've failed to let him know how best to utilize me. And who knows perhaps this is the direction and I just need clarification to make sure.
NEXT, was the coolest part.
I'm mopping, alone I think in my world in the sunroom, and this man I hadn't even seen sitting realy there in the chair, he asks oh am I in your way? I say no no just a light cleaning you're fine. Then he asks how are you? I say I'm well thank you and how are you? He says he's blessed! I react to that! I say that's the greatest response, I guess I"m blessed then too! And without even introductions, this black man proceeds to say, "I was thinking of you before you spoke to me." I said you did? What were you thinking? He went on and on about how he saw me with so much inside, that when expressed out, was poweful. I wish I had had a recorder because he said so much so fast. But his words were like prophesy. He even said at the end, I'im not prophesying, just saying words perhaps of wisdom, so take it and think about it.
He talked about how if I'm working from within, which I have passion and ideas, and go with confidence people will listen. He said people want to listen. But I must be confident in that!
He talked about how he felt I had this passion and gift inside, that usually people have on the outside that is to help them bloom on the inside, but mine was more needing to be come out. He said take those great things inside and write them down. Get them out, you never know what can come of them. THEN, he even threw some names out like, he said Bill Gates, look at him with what was inside of him. (Now I have been having ideas of involving Bill Gates in this campaign, and at least dreaming to that level. Crazy eh?) This man, whom I eventually heard him call himself Andrew, but really didnt' even care that I knew his name, he went on to say that he just saw so much potential. This is from a man sitting in a dirty chair, while this silent dirty girl mopes next to him. WOW! God you do work so crazy. I know this wasn't just something to hear lightly because it spoke into just what I'd been thinking about from Steve, and basically for weeks now, more so having anxiety over.
I ask God, God, what do you have me thinking this way? Why do I have these VISIONS and big ideas? What are they for? Who are they for? WHen are they for?
I wish I could tell you all he said, but I do remember him talking about taking things publicly. That God for some must be personal and internal but He also needs to be out there in the public, basically saying in a large scale.
I have to admit, I am motivated. I don't know what to do right now, but I do know that Andrew was speaking not from himself. Catch my drift? God, please help me discover your mystery for me.