Honestly in tears

I don't mean tears from my 1st world cup day experience because if I had done that and only that, then I would be let down. Yes only because it was more frustrating trying to figure out where, when who with and how to get there for the beginning matches etc. I ended up watching at the water front, the opening, with missing the ceremonies because it's Suzie's bday and I wanted to go where she desired, but we were late and literally, NO WHERE to watch! Not even space between the masses of the big screens. I watched Mexico play SA standing on top of chairs with many other mad fans (who were awesome!) on this lil screen at an Elmo's pizza place. Yeah I'll never forget. Later we had tables reserved for the France match at this nice place off Green Market Square. ANYWAYS, I am in tears freezing sittting up here in the office of YWAM, feeling a lil down today because I think there's just so much and I feel like I"m not in the heart of it all and yet walking through the streets last night (completely reminding me of mardi gras) I was here. THere. And yet, I can't rely on this passion of the World Cup to make me happy. It's here, I've never felt more of a success in being in the presence, but even more GOd has done all of this. He has brought me here. He is making a way. He is the reason for everything. WHere I am in Timbuktu or South Africa, or whatever reason of slavery or high class, I am in His house. I need to be happy, grateful every single day and praise Him for it.
I received funds today in my account that just threw me over the wall!!! I am in tears here just bawling like a lil baby in this place because I'm just too blessed. Blessed doesn't even suffice. I have this honor of being here and yet at moments I give myself guilt because it's like I expect more to be resulted, or do to more or to feel more or to be more compassionate. WHATEVER I need to stop 'feeling' and just be right? I am just loved to death and that love is something I am not giving enough of. I need to love love love just as you, and especially my mom, dad, church, friends are loving me relentlessly. Just as Jesus is loving me relentlessly. I never need to worry nor doubt. I am so sorry if I have. I am only human as well.
To have an email from my mom asking how much flights cost to Jo Berg. To have the church let the money come through them, it's a bit of burden feeling, but I ask and I received what should I feel?
I'm going to look seriously into the flights etc., and at least see if I can't make it up to the north to experience. I will send out another emial today to those I know and see where I could stay or be helped out a bit. Martin's family is up there, Justin works and said I can stay in hotel where he works, same with Nic. Joelle said she has friends in Polokwane. And you know what? Even if I don't make it to a match or see my friends up there, I must rejoice and be glad in Him. Amen!
Ahhh so much going on now. But i have energy when I have God in my mind. When things come out in the end, that even if we're lucky to 'see' why is it then we get the energy. God please provide me with the energy I need for everyday to serve. In each and every way. Remind me to catch up on the night out with MST but still amazing. Yesterday we had meeting out where we will be doing the soccer camps. There's like rocks/rubble trash everywhere, but hey it's open space and great colored community. Ocean View is awesome. 2 of my team mates are from there so I called them up and they're totally excited to help out as well and they completely know the community. I think it will be amazing. Long tough times, but desperately needed for teh community and sharing God's love. Pray for sunshine. I then headed back, trying to rest up, trying ot get a work out in, which never seems to work out well and I'm never eas;y on myself, thinking I can't go out and enjoy a time and night without working out (paranoid I've always had) but I missed opening ceremonies then like I said Suzie showed up too quickly and I tried to go wtih flow with her for her bday. Oh well, I saw the liveliness of Cape Town. Mad fans from all around the world.
All I can say is, this is the first time in history, all africans, all people have come together for something. First time EVER! It's huge with the history behind the country, but I could never be more proud and happy for South Africa. That match against Mexico show cased amazing heart and pride. I loved it! Look out England here come USA!!!!!!!