Late night update...random thoughts as well :)

Tired as I am since I’ve been sleeping weird hours from being sick, I’m preparing for bed. However my mind is a bit rattled at the moment since my friend Josh in the SBS School of Biblical Studies class just asked me tonight to help him lead base intercession tomorrow. Yes every bright and early Monday morning. He’s been asked to lead on what he feels God calling him to pray upon. He felt issues of injustice were what he desired to pray for, and he had 4 ministries pop into his mind. One was ABSTAIN2010. So, he called me in to speak with him and see if I wouldn’t mind just sharing about this campaign, what’s on my heart, where it’s at, and what to pray for. So it’s great, but I always get butterflies thinking about lil speaking things like this. Stupid I know. But it’s awesome opportunity. I feel a bit lame saying that we’re just trying to get brochures out, and yet that’s a landmark. Which by the way there are I believe 1000 being printed thanks to donation from our DTS leaders and my dad  You rock for getting the ball rolling! Thank you! Ahhh just so much going on it feels crazy! Like I can’t plan a day in advance. Like I should have learned that 9 months ago eh?
Brochures have begun printing so will be ready, however we have base intercession, then was going to go to Woodlands school where Mario’s kids are and join Zach’s team there for the day. Then not only did the base combi get stolen from our base yesterday (was found stripped in Khylitsha with another stolen car) but there’s this pretty big leadership conference on our base next 3 days in the am. So, I’ve been asked if I would like to attend with these amazing speakers I guess so I’d love to join at least a session or two. Then there’s a girl named Sara from NZ that I don’t know if I even met her, but the few I my cell group told me she’s moved here just down in Fish Hoek and we should meet up. So I’ve been horrible and haven’t made that happen yet, so working on that tomorrow. She’s punctual and said 2, and she has a vehicle! Always love new friends with cars 
Then Kevin from Living Hope has been trying to connect with me on the volunteers for the holiday camps during the WC. I feel so awkward in the middle of the Kick off Team and him, yet no one’s making moves. We need to start to clarify teams, since YWAM said we basically have endless teams (believe it when I see it with the organizing too) and then there’s the side of ok, if they can help, how are they going to get there, where to stay, fed, etc. I suggested Kevin asking King of Kings church if we could have teams stay the night there since they’re right near 2 major Townships and also are hosting holiday program right there in side the church in the afternoons, followed, oh yes, by big screen World Cup matches! Super stoked! By the way US, what’s up with losing to the Czech? Whatever we’re still gonna be sneaking up on teams, I feel it! OH and my NZ boys! SO SO excited! Mike says he’s getting the tickets up on Polokwane tomorrow, but I still don’t know what games, when, and how the heck I could get there if I try. Still have to try.
Ok, so I also need to be contacting the Protea Hotels downtown again. I may just call but prepare perhaps Tuesday and full day Wednesday, no wait, half Wednesday cause feeding local homeless with Zach’s team Wednesday am (which means missing probably the end of Leadership Conference) oh man oh man see? Still all exciting and good! Side note, was looking super hard at market today for SA jersey, but I wanted the long sleeve one. They’re probably fake but I’ve seen R200 ones. No USA yet, but I’m looking. I figured after the world cup I”ll find some bargain deals.
I must make at least 1 practice though this week. That’s for certain. I was going to join the AIS women’s team that’s here touring, but they basically are leaving tomorrow. I can’t believe it! I received an email too late from Joelle, saying I could join them in their school visit Fri and the game Sat., but I was sick in bed I hadn’t even check my email. I’m looking into the next team coming here. Still, I hadn’t touched a ball for over a week with Jubilee and being sick, so today I was back at it. Well, trying. I have dreams still, and get chills whenI see people playing, or friends in photos wearing our jersey’s back in the day, and the relentless training and preparing for a simple game…man oh man it’s the best! Can’t believe I have spent my 26 year, not playing. Could possibly have been a prime year. However, God can do anything, and I pray he helps me recover what abilities I had worked hard for and pray for more than that by miracle. I wish I could train with the Portland Rain when I return. Sounds like things are looking up for them and higher profile now too. Ish!
Oh, side note again, Lydia and I are doing fruit and veg fast this week. Not really so much for me, and whenI say veggies, yes oh yes, Lydia goes and gets the starchiest potatoes possible! Whatever it’s more for her to help herself out in feeling better. It actually helps because she doesn’t eat regularly and so this works on her metabolism. I still put ketchup and sauces on my veggies.
Been thinking though recently with my great and many talks with Cristiana and Sara while they were here visiting, about this 7 day fast. I mean I have tried the 7 days juice fast with Kale before I came here. But it’s still hard for me to figure the true meaning behind fasting and praying. Because if I do it, I must do it purposefully, and with faith that God will help me get through it ok. Last time I had to quit working out that week and almost felt too dizzy to drive often. But these girls with their church they rave about, Solid Rock and their Friday nights at The Way downtown Ptown (which I greatly look forward to going to and becoming involved with since they both told me with my perspective and drive I’d fit in so well there to be challenged and supported. Kale you too.) that this 7 day fast Solid Rock does it, is only with water. I mean fasting and praying with pure intentions of seeking God. The Bible talks about it for major decisions. So could I possibly fast just to give thanks to the Lord? Could I fast to pray for others? Could I fast to lose weight and if I was someone who needed to do that, would that be something God would agree is healthy an good? Interesting thoughts behind the value and purpose of fasting. I love a challenge but would I be doing it for the challenge? I want to hear God loudly or more so, I want to be opening myself up to hear God better because He’s speaking to me/us daily. I admire Cristiana telling her testimony which we so graciously got to hear while she was telling my friend Jac (I’ll tel you after about it) about her reason and purpose in Zimbabwe. She said if I was living my life for myself, I wouldn’t be here. If I didn’t have Jesus in my life, I wouldn’t be here. I didn’t want to come. She said that she was just beginning this ministry downtown with the homeless and street people, new church opening up down there, a job offer that was unbelievable for a girl her age as a physio in charge of some clinic, and her best friend getting married. She said she did not want to leave. However, she fasted and prayed because she felt God was trying to speak to her, and it hit her at the end of the 7 days, God told her to join Sara her friend in the church to go to Zim. No idea why. Neither really had a clue why. To be honest, they inspired me because they have even more frustrations it seems than I have here…there. They’re so stuck and finding it hard to fall in love with the people. They’re being fully challenged and yet they were called by God to be there, and they’re sticking it out. Cris says she’s only obeying what God calls her to do. Not easy. I admire her so much. I want to only obey. If I obey, then it shouldn’t and wouldn’t matter where I am, what I’m doing, just to know I’m there because He’s called is enough. Not needing to have outcomes, results, statistics, ANYTHING. Just as his Grace, we need to have done NOTHING to earn it. Obeying isn’t preparing ourselves to get tested and scored in the end. If that was it, we’re living in a legalistic world.
We related so much in the fact that we’re from Oregon and a country where we strive to succeed and learn and grow and task oriented, which is exactly opposite of our warm cultured friends. Cris was so shocked to learn the response of the Zim people when she told them that there were homeless Americans starving. They said well can’t they tell the president or government at least? Funny the perspectives change eh?
So Friday yes we went out to dinner like I said after I had been laying in bed 2 days, and we had a blast. So nice to get out and the girls had rented a car and Cris drove so it was perfect. Loved the opportunity and the carrot cake with coffee mmmm! Then Saturday I awoke to try out my body on a lil run, then heard from Jac that he wanted me to join him in watching the HUGE rugby match on TV. Yes Super 14, Stormers and Bulls. Well, sadly the Stormers lost but was so great to learn more of the sport and enjoy a lil sports pub. Jac came to pick me up and I invited Cris and Sara and Cris was game. So she came along which made me feel more at ease anyways since I am not sure if Jac has taking a liking to me, but if he has then she could be the easy piece in between. Plus I really feel her strong presence and wisdom with Christ and if she could help speak out to Jac, it would be great. Yes oh yes, Jesus has a plan. We even met an older man and his friend at the pub who go to this amazing church I’ve attended with martin. We got into some great conversation and it was centered around God. On the ride back, we delve deep into convo about God and Jac has really been hurt in his life. It was interesting to hear it again, but he’s just super confused and has been raised in this confusing Legalistic lifestyle with parents, friends, schools, church saying one thing and doing another. We worked on listening and asking the right questions so as not to offend and hurt Jac more or retaliate but it was like he’s searching so hard, the putting pieces together that I heard, weren’t lining up. Cristiana and I sat outside our house with him listening and then she gave her testimony and it as incredible. I don’t know if Jac heard it where he needed to, if it even helped, but either way we were both praying and God can be the only one who makes things happen. He’s the miracle maker.
Before the girls took off early this morning for the airport, we had great goodbyes and much to obviously look forward to back in Portland. But we had much to express of our short time together last night. I just told them how I think it’s brave and strong of them to stay where they feel it’s hardest, in fact they said that if they HAD been able to reach their missions pastor the first 2 weeks, then they would have booked flights home. But they’re sticking it out, working on their relationships and this organization that they’re suppose to be nurturing there. Just tried to give them some encouragement and support. Then Cristiana shocked me in saying how she was very impressed with the random people I was able to meet and speak with. She was like, not many YWAMers have friends outside of YWAM do they? She said I didn’t think so. She went on to say that it’s a gift that I have to be able to speak and meet people like Jac, who if only I am in SAfrica to minister and be a light to…then it’s all worth it! Not this fancy women’s soccer here, this world cup ministry here, this creating a campaign there, but merely for 1 person to inspire, change, nurture and provide hope…whether I even know I’ve done it or not…is worth it. God calls, go. It really meant a lot. I said I have no idea what to do with that sort of gift, but thank you for letting me know it’s ok that I am this way. I feel revived.
It’s getting late now, but glad I could write a bit of what’s been on my heart and mind lately. On another topic, which I’m not sure I have the energy or time to divulge into tonight, but I have been getting asked I feel more than ever about me being single. I’m at that age. I’m alone. I’m very independent and I have people ask almost out of concern why I’m not dating anyone or engaged or married. It’s usually nothing out of the ordinary for me, but it’s been bothering me alittle. I mean it’s not like something I can plan. It’s not something that is built in. I am surrounded with many YWAMers who are desperately trying to find a great and Godly match for themselves. However I feel even in this environment, similar to why I never wanted to date originally anyone from my high school while I went there, that it’s so awkward to date here in this ‘Christian’ surroundings. I mean everyone knows everyone. If you start to hang out with someone of the opposite sex a lil more than normal or than others here in YWAM, then you’re singled out big time. It’s truly like there’s no ‘dating’ here. You either are being courtship for marriage material, or you’re completely just friends. But we can’t even really be friends because that requires time and energy and then that requires that ‘special’ time to even know what one is like, but from outside perspective, it shows a liking to one another. Then if you get teased or if you actually don’t like the other in that way, then one is led on, then it’s awkward afterwards etc., It’s just on and on not very likely and possibly the healthiest to have this ‘dating’. Lydia and I were having this conversation until late late the other night. We want to ‘hang’ out with guys, yet if we even make the effort, then it looks like we’re giving too much effort because it actually takes time, planning, and usually money just to ‘hang’ and then if you’re with that one person, (preferably of the opposite sex) can it ever truly be just as friends? In other words, what if you were just going to hang out as friends, and that was that…could he have a girlfriend? Could he have a wife and still be able to hang? Can we have close friends of the opposite sex? When we’re dating? When we’re married? So in the end, we get so fed up with trying to hang out, trying to make time, trying to even see if it’s worth spending time with that single person of the opposite sex, that in the end, we don’t. So even if I was so begin to be just friends with a man, which is ALL I want and the way I want it to be done, I can’t. At least not easily here. Not in YWAM, not without a car, not without great access to texting and calling to have simple communication. I mean in NZ, I wasn’t there to get married or date. YET, like I said who can plan that? However, I knew that the minute I started to spend more time with one than another, specifically men (which is why I didn’t make many friends “girlfriends” fast because I had a hard time meeting single girls than guys to hang with) then I’d miss out on the whole experience of traveling, meeting people and plain old experiencing NZ as a whole. Does that mean I put the red light on love? On marriage? I can’t sit here and say I don’t believe in married. I can’t say I don’t want marriage. I’m just saying the circumstances are hard to look into even believing it can happen or work at the moment or even in near future. My dream would be to have my best friend as my partner, and it’s hard to make new best friends of the opposite sex these days. This is why, to my parents, I admire the fact that you even were able to date after so many years. I mean to learn the process, be in a small town, be brave, have strings attached like children, isn’t easy. WOW.
It’s not that I desire my parents to keep waiting for grandchildren and to wait to hear of my lovely man in my life, it’s just not here. God works in wondrous ways. I do pray once in awhile for my future husband. I mean if I am to have one, I pray he’s waiting for me just as I am for him.
In the opposite corner, if I knew like Paul says it better to be unmarried and to serve, but if you must give into your temptations then do so by getting married. I believe that if I knew I could survive without marriage and it was for the better of those I was to reach in my life, like an angel and it’s time, then I’d be ok with that. It would just be nice to know now, so that I’d stop getting my hopes up. I am only a simple girl with really simple girly dreams. It happens when we’ve been pricked of reality in a human existence. Admitting that times when there is someone on the mind helps the time and life’s joys is so true. I am shy to admit these things, but they’r ein my heart and why not express to the world who cares to join in on their own struggles and emotions.
Well, what an interesting thing to end on for now, but that’s what I feel.

11 Days to the World Cup!!!