Sunday, April 18, 2010

It's 10pm and I'm tired

I can remember in college I'd go to bed at like 3am easily. I'd have to set my alarm for 1pm class. Is this real life? What is real life?
I had such a weird thinking day. I mean I was alone most of the time to my own thoughts which is so scary to think to know what's really on your heart. I tried to get outta Muizenberg to just be alone and do something. However the Cavendish Mall wasn't even more thrilling than I expected. I mean the day was beautiful, but I was excited to get out and go somewhere. HOwever I ended up getting up early, doing some errands, cleaning, trying to prepare the day, and yet again no internet. I'm here late night in th eoffice, oh and some guys just came in luckily to be here with me.
Well what I did discover was thoughts hard in my head. Too many to be exact. I mean I was at the movie store with Lydia last night and I couldn't pick a movie out until she recommended some. I was in Woolworths today and couldn't pick ANY food out because I wasn't sure waht I wanted. Seriously I have a problem. I mean Kimberley was speaking to me about praying for specific things. Our friend here Rebecca prayer for a ring from God, and you know what? Yes she got. I mean that's what power there is in God. However if I dont' even know what i want, then what the heck am I suppose to ask for? I won't receive the gifts and have a better relationship with the father if I dont' even spend time even asking. I mean how do I order my coffee? Is it the coffee I wanna taste? Is it the caffiene? Is it the fact that I don't want to gain weight with a big ol sugary drink or do I really like the taste? I just need to start to search my heart because obviously God created me and my desires inside me for a reason. I need to gather this. I need to know so I can then be able to commit to something. Oh my dreams and more come to life and I just desire to quit dreaming so dang big and not doing something about it. I know if I drop a pebble in a pond it ripples. However, I need to drop that pebble. This needs to be known. I need to knwo what i want and GO for it! I must draw closer. I must know how I want my eggs and if and who I want to marry and what kind of car I want to drive including the color. Oh man i gotta get to sleep. I'm sory Ilove you!

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