Devil's close

I wanted to quit today. I admit it. More than once today too. But through this rollarcoaster even of a day, I'm still here pushing.
Never thought I'd feel this way. I even texted Martin asking if FIFA was hiring. :)
I'm just sooo anxious about this slowness people have been telling me to have. How the heck can this immediate problem be solved and helped if we're not doing everything in our might to move it. ESPECIALLY with time constraints. There's no time to sit around. I wish I could say the time I let pass by last week and this past weekend, was well worth it since I felt like everyone told me to, that God would be doing the rest. Well either I'm really short of faith, or it was false. Document isn't done. Meetings by GWC's side are not happening, being cancelled, saying they can and will do this and that and aren't but hey, this isn't their full-time and they're trying. I guess.
I saw we gotta get this and that going, they and Cristian say no we need this or that first. BUT if we wait for all these pieces to come together to be BIG TIME, then we'll never start. Just like in NZ I had to start something very small, small 30 team girls league, 5 aside, to project something then nationwide right?
WELL, felt anxious having team together today and not knowing (like I thought and couldnt' sleep over about) what to have all them do. With lack of knowledge of campaign, and concept, and also I suppose skills I don't know of everyone's yet, it' hard to delegate. It's also hard when you see projects around you like 2010 project from Justic Acts getting 30,000 USD to house staff, meetings, etc. I fear I will lose people if we don't have some success and positivity soon. Please Lord help.
The ducks can't and don't need to be all in a row. Start small. So, after we did bit of brainstorming, needing tshirt ideas, also a brand (symbol) something like bracelet, pin, something that people can actually take ownership of their join in endorsing abstinence from sex outside of marriage for abstain2010.
I met with Grace Samson, who's like national YWAM leadership, and with her I almost cancelled because I felt complete lack of confidence and passion. At that very moment before the meeting I received email from Geraldine from GWC saying how she couldnt' make this or that meeting and still no document and she'll be gone all weekend. So in the midst of trying not to cry I asked God for help.
Luckily Grace is one of the most inspiring and bold people I've met. She's this beautiful tall Nigerian girl who's well educated and has the same passion to 'move' as I do. However she's more grounded and strategic unlike me. SO, she helped listen and pray with me and give me what I need to do NOW. Which is not wait for all this work we've done to be finalized. She said not everyone will put forward the time and efforts and now that i have ful team of 5 full time, then we need to go with what we've got. We may want this and that and nationwide, but first for phase 1 prior to world cup we gotta have a tangible goal to build upon.
SO, perhaps just in this area. Get what we have and present to maybe 20 churches/schools to start to mobilize. There we only would need a powerpoint, website up, handout with membership form, and the 'brand' item we have to give out.
She said with the networking and 'who' I know now, I can use those people to help design and even ask, hey media village or Steve from Unashamedly ethical for covering printing costs. I can look to Martin from teh Silver Ring campaign for support too since he wants to push that campaign again after the world cup.
It's just hard because I can help drive this, but I really need a 'project manager' who has the organizational skills and leadership delegating skills. Please pray for someone to rise up with the passion to do so. I'm trying but at this very moment with new members I can just feel my anxiety and stress oozing out towards them so I fear I"ll lose them and their passion that I"m suppose to have.
I left the meeting with a bit of a tangible goal, but still overwhelmed. I went swimming, and took a bath while reading the last of Ecclesiastes. That book and the wisdom is so profound it's stupid. The basics of just saying how this is all stuff for the wind here. Reading a lot, working a lot, gaining knowledge, it's just as valuable as one who can't read and is poor and yet what matters is the home after this life. However, on the contrary, watching the clouds in the sky that hold water, that pours down, is like us watching life pass by with doing nothing waiting for the end is also not the right way to go about our time here.
This even ground is so hard for me. I even found myself just desiring to go out and hit the soccerball around, which I was going to do on my own with tears after my meeting with Grace but it went so long it was too late. This reminded me why I'm not playing because I'd be too frustrated not getting time and always worrying about getting time that it would make me more anxious.
Dad great ideas for the acronym. Run that over with my team.
Those who are reading and encouraging me, I thank you so much and so much for your prayers against satan that he can't take a hold of me or this work that we're trying to conquer here to realign his Kingdom. May he work through me and he work through us who believe.