Releasing on a Saturday night

I'm exhausted. I'll be honest to this blog, I have wept endlessly today. I know it needed to be a cry out to God. I spent quality time with him remembering who I am, who he made and who he loves. It's all about him. I was challenged today in a meeting with a man named Sean Collard and he said many great things. The ones that stood out were crucial. But the one I really cried out to God was to please take this whole things into his hands. I don't have control, don't want control, I want him to control it. God's saying he has it, he always has, and no matter what, he still loves me. No matter if tomorrow the campaign dies, he still is the same. God is still my father, he still loves me no more no less. If someone came tomorrow and said we're already doing that campaign, no worries, would I be at rest? Would I be ok? I need to make sure I'm in that place.
Sean also gave the concept and idea of Be a hero. I love this challenge to men. I love that it's bringing this draw of, do you want to be a hero?
Sean said he remember this movement went on in his son's school where girls were telling the boys what they looked for in men. Clean cut, kind to their sisters/mothers, caring, etc., and he said, you know what? My son started to take the trash out, clean his room, be kinder to his sister, etc.
Sean listened to me very carefully and he's very charasmatic but he also stopped me to give bits of his vision at me. Before I even got to where I am at wit the campaign, and how I got here with the vision, he stopped me and challenged me in saying that I know you've come so far from home and a foreign place and so young with such a weight on your shoulders, but God doesn't want you to get burnt out. You're so passionate and driven with a heart but if you go at this rate you will be smoked over and you'll even hate this country. He said so many here want to soak as much as they can out of you not caring abotu you. They will take advantage of you. He said, you're precious. God's saying you're his precious girl. The meeting almost could have ended like that. Me feeling like he was advising me to pack my bags up and leave. I felt appalled and yet challenged to say, no wait a minute then why did God birth this into my heart? Why has all these people come to grow with the vision and giving their time? To end? Because it looks too hard and dangerous?
I said I"m not even to where we're at NOW with the campaign. By the time I was done and telling him al the aspects and ideas, he went RUNNING with it. That's where the whole challenge of being a super hero, with the victims, these young girls, a daughter of someone, actually putting a name and face to have these hero's desire to win the battle. It was crazy to see his change in passion from the beginning to the end. I wonder how much to hear from people, what's God's voice to me. But he never changes. Thank you Sean and NK for your time.
The meeting felt like 3 hours, but after I finally purchased a new swim suit, because it was 2 for 1 and you know what, I haven't bought a new swim suit in probably 4 years. Mine's rotting and the other has rust on it. Yeah, I went immediately to the pool.
I just am wallowing though in all these ideas and thoughts and where to lock the vision and for whom and if it's going to work?
Meeting last night was suppose to start at 6:30. Only 3 replied to my email. I almost felt like not showing up to this Braai. Guess what, about 10-15 were there. New ones too. I have almost no control :) So by the time we braaid up some meat, finally began to debate and get ideas out by 8. I went home at 11:30. It was great, and wonderful to see so many opinions and truths. I'm grateful but at the same time I have a few advisors already in my ear saying you 'should' do this or that. Very supportive still, but everyone's got an opinion. I need to hear it I feel from outsiders, insiders, and strangers to get some clarity. However, in the end I have everyone looking to me saying, it's YOUR vision, so YOU know what it should be.
I almost feel like I'm looked at with this magic wand, and if I touch it on the right message, then magic will flow. A bit of weight eh? They keep asking questions like I have this magical answer that God's given. If you read back you'll see that I had no idea what these ideas meant for 3 months! I felt crazy and I didn't even know if they were from God. I don't have time like that to 'discuss' and 'listen' because in 3 months there will be teams already here to play soccer and many people in slavery more than ever!
I can't even finalize a 'strategic business plan' because this 'vision' 'mission' must be finalized, THEN we can move. BUT, I can't wait around. that's why I feel asking for an open meeting where people can come and ask ?s, give feedback, networks, etc., would be great, so I've reserved our dear friend Stefan's Coffee Bean Monday night. Who knows what happens. I just can't WAIT til our vision and everything's in place, to then go looking for man power and links to get these different methods of carrying the message. By then it's too late.
I ALSO have 2 pretty major meetings set up Monday. I've been hounding Fusi my radio man for them, so I can't punk out now just because the 'vision' isn't decided upon. Still the concept of prevention destruction in SA and bringing awareness of issues like trafficking are all important and our desire. So I can talk about the rest and where we're at, and EVEN ask opinions.
Have you ever heard of Graham Powers who started the Global DAy of Prayer? Apparently he's huge here, and also very successful business man. Well we have a meeting with his right hand man Monday at 10. THEN, Fusi and I have to rush to see Errol Naidoo. This is another Christian who's well-known I think even a pastor, but he also is in parliament doing great things. Radical Christian I hear. I need some help/voices and endorsers. Please keep it all in your prayers.
I DO get to have a lovely Valentine's DAy. I can't deny that my great supporter Martin says that he's going to make sure I'm spoiled tomorrow. He's picking me up for church at 10 then we're going out to some vineyard with a group to have wine and lamb onteh spit. That's a grill apparently :) I'm excited to see something other than this screen or hear the word abstain.
Sean says that I really need some people on my side to be counseling and supporting me. Someone I can call at 3 am if I'm in trouble. I feel like I could do that with my roomates, and I feel like Elaine even Martin now are great people to throw things off personally. I think I'm covered, but not necessarily a Spiritual Father. Please pray that I have the right and enough support around me at this time. It's kinda hard.
Also please pray to help guide me in deciding on the right people for my "Dream Team" of this campaign, who will devote their hearts and time just as I have because that's what it's goin got take to make this push. They also need to be wise. The rest are going ot be outside them I believe to be the roll out team. I pray they will come on board.
Geraldine from GWC has met wtih me again and she graciously was at the meeting last night as well with great feedback. That girls is passionate and VERY organized. She's encouraging me. She talks about this whole push to not only GWC and it's links with over 200 churches around the country, but also the Muizenberg Community Church and this youth programs and local churches around the area to push message.
However this ties me up, because she's needing some 'proposal' documents to the church and college asap, with what I have. What I have isn't much but 'dream' and 'talk' but I'm trying. So it's positive and yet overwhelming.
Elrico emailed me and said that he has this guy from Cape Town who will help me with the film side. I have no idea if that means for free, if he's just skilled, or what. I'm not getting my hopes up but grateful he's released someone to join out team to help.
One of my great 'elder' friends at the pool Godfrey, he asked me today, in my crazy mind blurryiness, if I could come speak to his school. He said he's a teacher at this Christian school and he's suppose to do this talk to his students ever year about issues that I'm campaigning for, (which he wasn't very specific) but I said I'm not real knowledgeable about HIV etc., he said no no it doesn't matter so much that, the fact that you're all the way over here, doing this, God's moved you and has stuff on your heart. He said I want you to share that. Share what you're doing, you're knoweldge and your passion because it's more effective and inspires. He said way more than someone who's 106. So I was honored.
I have to remember though the things to say yes and no to. I am devoted to this campaign. I'm not going to be playing soccer for I know that there will be a time. For now, I'm grateful my knee's not hurting but I have no time or mind for soccer.
Fusi from CCFM proposed to me on this new broadcast they're starting soon about World Cup and reading updates and news about soccer he thought with my passion I should be the one who does the show. I was like heck no I can't speak well etc. But he said no no I'll teach you. I felt really uneasy because I said well I'm real busy, is this nothing to do with the campaign? He said no just the soccer and i was honored but said you know what I can't promise I have time for that. I want to keep my focus and not learn and do somethign new like that.
Well I'm about done! I'm so tired and just really wanting to keep healthy mindfully and physically. However, I am being more challenged for faith and responsibility than ever in my life, and it doesn't have a 9-5 push. So it's hard to sleep. BUT, I'm more than honored. To see the impact it gives to show people my passion about this campaign and how I even came to be in this position is holding such a strong punch that I'm so grateful I've not just been called, but I went. I keep asking the Lord to help move me with teh Holy Spirit. Get that boldness.
In fact I was siting there in the bath tub tonight crying to Him, and I asked, I wonder if this is what Paul felt like? I wonder if Paul was in such termoil in his life and yet striving for more of GOd and more wisdom to WORK hard? If so, I'm honored.
Love you all, and Happy Valentine's Day!