In a funk

Tried to hold down a meeting tonight to get the team together to show where we're at and move forward. GOSH dang it's slow! I feel like still trying to write up this document to be 'perfect' is so annoying! I"VE been on this stage forever! NOW others are getting on board. THen, I tell everyone to let me know if they're coming and oh no I get 3 responses and only 3 show up. GWC people who are being really inspiring about this. Thankfully for them. I've not seen Cladie, haven't seen Prosper, I tell them when and where we meet and who the heck then is on my team?! I know everyone is inspired and loves the concept, but I'm in this funk asking is what I'm trying to do even worth it? I feel like it's getting burried and I have to revive what was the original passion. It's tough. I'm seeing other 'ministries' around me who are gettin sucked into their 'ministries' are stuck inthemselves! Not working together. FIghtin each other for this prideful desire to be known! I fear havin that! I fear being jealous of a successful ministry. We're all for the same damn goal! Get it?
I'm super excited though to hear from Kim gettin money coming in from this Christian tv station and today she's getting interviewed by ESPN!!! Heck yes they want to follow up with Justice ACts. I'm so dang proud of her. God's doin such work with and for this and this is the purpose I think of what I'm doing to begin with! Right? I mean I question am I still vital? But then again there are over 23 million slaves in the world! SO, we must keep going. It's only breaking ground. Ah! I have to suck it up and believe that if this is God's desire it's going ot work out.
I just feel a bit alone. Then now that I see the World Cup team now being successful because they dropped their old leader into a new position better for him, they're taking off! Cristian left them for working and hleping me and I"m more than grateful! He's been there through and through. I just thank him and yet wish there was more. I need more guidance, help and direction. Geraldine has been really inspiring me. I just hope things move faster than the way they are.
Then last night I'm speaking with the neighbors trying to get suppot and guidance and truly all they had to say was pray. They looked at me like I was just treading sand and getting no where and it's like them saying, you must get on your knees and ask God what to do. I was almost furious! I was like what do you think I've been doing the past 2 months!? I have been! BUT they also were redirecting me from an outsiders point of view. It was hard to hear and the arguement was also on my side of how much do we sit on our butts doing nothin and expectin God to just move. It's like when we were fundraising for our outreaches, and we of course prayed fo rhim to come through with the funds, BUT also we were baking, doin plays, all kinds of things to get the momentum going. SO< I look at the days and say what is it I can and should do next? I can't just sit around. I can't just wait for teams to come flooding in with leadership. What happened to the momentum? We now get a vision of who we are, and the support isn't as visual.
I'm sorry just super frustrated, and also I am not in anxiety over it or at least physicaly feeling sick over it which makes me question am I in a safer place with God's peace or is the passion and push not there anymore? Am I in the right place? Oh God please work with me. Show me your heart for me and this campaign. Is it all for the growth of me and those around me? Show me father your desire. SHwo me your wisdom and your passion.
Keep me in your mind father. I love you and am preparin to wake up and say, This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! I will!